MLS Saturday: Penultimate (Week 30)

Saturday
Chicago 2-3 Toronto (BMO Field)
A brace by 50-cent fav Rohan Ricketts gave Toronto the 3-2 win. Amado Guevara put TFC up in the 12th minute and Ricketts doubled the lead six minutes later, putting back a PK rebound. Chicago's Justin Mapp pulled one back in the 25th minute, but Ricketts scored again in first-half injury time. Cuauhtemoc Blanco scored a 59th minute conciliation goal for the Fire. It was all for naught, however, as Toronto was eliminated from playoff contention due to results around the league.

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Columbus 1-3 New York (Giants Stadium)
Danny Cepero? Wasn't he Ralph Macchio's character in The Karate Kid? Cepero -- who assumed goalkeeping duties for the Red Bulls after starting keep Jon Conway tested positive for andro this week -- became the first goalkeeper to score in Major League Soccer history with a long ball sent in from his own half. The ball took a big bounce on the artificial turf and went over Crew keeper Andy Gruenebaum's head. But this embarrassing goal was only the icing on a 3-1 win, powered by a Juan Pablo Angel brace, that kept New York in contention for one of the last three MLS Cup playoff spots with a match in hand. Steven Lenhart had the Crew's lone goal.

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San Jose 2-2 Kansas City (CAB)
Despite a valiant effort by the Quakes and a sick save by Joe Cannon in the final two minutes, a 3-2 loss saw the re-expansioners eliminated from the MLS Cup playoffs. The two clubs traded shots, with Claudio Lopez scoring first in the 18th minute and then Scott Sealy answering two minutes later. The Wizards regained the lead in the 27th minute but rookie Shea Salinas scored his first goal of his MLS career, a pin-ball putback, to finish the scoring. Then, Herculez Gomez scored the winner in the final minute of extra time off a corner.

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Los Angeles 0-3 Houston (Robertson Stadium)
Another year, another Beckham-less MLS Cup playoffs...just goes to show that you can't trade the whole farm for one prized cow. With ol' Bessy on the sideline due to yellow card accumulation, the terrible Galaxy defense surrendered three first half goals (own goal-14, Dwayne DeRosario-20 and Nate Jaqua-23) and were eliminated from playoff contention by the Dynamo, who clinched the Western Conference crown.

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FC Dallas 1-3 Salt Lake (RES)
From hero to goat, Marcelo Saragosa scored to put Dallas ahead, but then saw two yellow cards inside of 20 minutes and was shown the door. Five minutes later, Yura Movsisyan equalized for the home team. Then, Will Johnson put RSL ahead on the other side of halftime, and finally Robbie Findlay finished the scoring in the 86th minute. The Hoops lost midfielder Pablo Ricchetti on a straight red in the 90th minute. They also lost out on a playoff spot, thanks to results in other matches. SIlly, Dallas. You should have kept him.

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MLS Wednesday & Thursday (Week 30)

Wednesday, October 15
San Jose 1-2 Houston (Robertson Stadium)
San Jose's playoff hopes are on life support, after Houston's Stuart Holden put back two post-rattling rebounds. The win was made all the more impressive due to the fact that Houston's Kei Kamara (ex-Quake) was ejected in just the 11th minute. Scott Seally equalized for the visitors in minute 68, but Holden would find the back of the net with an injury-time thriller.

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Thursday, October 16
New England 1-2 DC United (RFK)
Despite the turds they've been laying since winning the US Open Cup, DC United is still in the hunt for a wild card spot in the MLS Cup playoffs, thanks to a second-half brace by Francis Doe. Doe's dos doozies came following Taylor Twellman's 58th minute goal, his eighth of the season.

Proof MLS is major: A steroid scandal!

So it turns out that wings aren't the only thing you get from Red Bull.

MLS announced on Friday that it was suspending New York Red Bull players Jeff Parke (defender) and Jon Conway (goalkeeper) for 10 matches for failing drug tests for banned performance-enhancing androstenedione and boldenone metabolites.

According to espnnet's account, MLS officials acknowledged that the players injested over-the-counter supplements, unaware that they contained the banned substances.

"We have met with both players and they informed us that they ingested an over-the-counter supplement that unknowingly contained a banned substance," Erik Stover, club director, said on the team's website.

If the unknowingly injested the substances, isn't 10 matches a bit too harsh a punishment? Ten matches is the longest suspension in league history, and they didn't even break anyone's leg. Also, are they even given a list by the team doctor of supplements to avoid? Do MLS clubs even have team physicians?

Columbus are MLS Champs! Really!

Although you won't hear it from ESPN, Fox Soccer Channel or even the league office, the Major League Soccer champion was decided this weekend when Columbus picked up a point on the road against Chicago, putting them an unreachable 10-points ahead of second-lace Houston in the single table.

By picking up the Supporters Shield for the most points in the regular season, Columbus should be named league champions, but alas, MLS execs cling tightly to the playoff system, a bastardization of all that is good in American soccer. It makes no sense to refer to the MLS Cup winner as the MLS champion. This club has been successful in a single club tournament, consisting of four matches. The league champion should be the club that managed to secure the most points in the course of the season, not simply the team that plays best in October.

After all, the Supporters Shield winner gets all the rights and privileges of a champion (see last year's league champion DC United).

Every year I rail against the injustice, the blatant stupidity of naming the MLS Cup champion the league champion and every year it's the same. I have a dream, a dream that one day the club that finishes atop the league standings after the 30-game schedule will be named the MLS champion.

But I fear I'll be forever dreaming.

Cooper to Bradley: Thanks, but no thanks

Dallas forward (and my new hero) Kenny Cooper declined an invitation to play in a meaningless qualifier against Trinidad & Tobago this Wedesday, saying:

"I feel so fortunate and honored to have been invited to join up with the U.S. Men's National team in Trinidad and Tobago. I made the difficult decision not to report because I had picked up a virus and have been playing with a sprained ankle. Considering the importance of my club's game versus Real Salt Lake this week, and that the National Team has already clinched a berth in the next round of qualifying, I felt it was the right thing to do to stay in Dallas and make sure I get well, and hopefully there will be other opportunities down the line."

Let me translate into realspeak:

Look, douchebag. You don't call me up through all the important qualifiers, even though I'm tearing up defenses in MLS, getting calls daily from European clubs and attracting all kinds of tail, even though I look like Boris Karloff. Now you invite me to the dance after we've already qualified for the next round and the best I can hope for is some Carribean crapfactory doesn't cut me down and tear up my sore ankle. Thanks, but no thanks, Sadley. Frankencoop out.

So, here's who did agree to come out:

Goalkeepers: Troy Perkins, Brad Guzan.

Defenders: Jonathan Bornstein, Danny Califf, Frankie Hejduk, Michael Orozco, Heath Pearce, Marvell Wynne.

Midfielders: Freddy Adu, DaMarcus Beasley, Maurice Edu, Sacha Kljestan, Pablo Mastroeni, Danny Szetela, Jose Francisco Torres.

Forwards: Jozy Altidore, Charlie Davies, Robbie Rogers.

TYH'S MLS BEST 11 (Week 29)

GOALKEEPER

J. Conway (NY)

DEFENDERS

M. Wynne (TFC), J. Conrad (KC), C. Suarez (CHV), M. Velez (TFC)

MIDFIELDERS

G.B. Schelotto (CLB), E. Lewis (LA), J. Mapp (CHI)

FORWARDS

K. Cooper (DAL), B. McBride (CHI), J. Braun (CHV)

Too easy: U.S. smoke Cubans (again)

After a subpar couple of national team matches, DMB came to play versus Cuba in our nation's capital, scoring two first-half goals against the ill-matched Cubans before a whole cast of Americans got into the action. Final score U.S. 6, Cuba 1. Take that, Castro!

Landon Donovan, Brian Ching, Jozy Altidore and Oguchi Onyewu all made the scorers' sheet before it was said and done.

DMB on whether the team is more dominant against teams from the region, especially at home:
“I think so, but at the same time you want to be tough at home, whether it is qualifying or a friendly. Over the years that I have been here, we have always had strong performances at home, and our fans are great. We want to keep that streak alive."

The win clinches a berth for the U.S. in the Final Round of CONCACAF World Cup qualifying. Here's a recap of USA v. Cuba.

TYH's Patriot of the Pitch©: DaMarcus Beasley

MATCH REPORT

TEAM	1st half	2nd half	Final
USA	2	4	6
CUB	1	0	1

Scoring:
USA – DaMarcus Beasley (Sacha Kljestan) 10th minute
USA – DaMarcus Beasley (Landon Donovan) 30.
CUB – Jenzy Muñoz (unassisted) 32.
USA – Landon Donovan (Heath Pearce) 48.
USA – Brian Ching (Sacha Kljestan) 63.
USA – Jozy Altidore (Clint Dempsey) 87.
USA – Oguchi Onyewu (Freddy Adu) 90.

Lineups:
USA: 1-Tim Howard; 6-Steve Cherundolo, 5-Oguchi Onyewu, 3-Carlos Bocanegra (capt.),15-Heath Pearce (4-José Torres, 68); 12-Michael Bradley 16-Sacha Kljestan (17- Freddy Adu, 76); 8-Clint Dempsey, 10-Landon Donovan; 11-Brian Ching (9-Jozy Altidore, 68)

CUB: 12-Odelín Molina; 6-Yoel Colomé, 16-Reysander Fernández, 3-Yeniel Márquez, 2-Silvio Miñoso; 14-Jaime Colomé (8-Alianas Urgelles, 72), 5-José Luis Clavelo (capt.), 7-Luis Villegas (13-Carlos Domingo, 46), 9-Alain Cervantes, 11-Jenzy Muñoz (10-Mario Ruiz, 80), 15-Leonel Duarte

Misconduct Summary:
CUB – Yoel Colomé (caution) 21st minute.
CUB – Yoel Colomé (caution) 41.
CUB – Yoel Colomé (sent off) 41.
CUB – Reysander Fernández (caution) 62.
USA – Michael Bradley (caution) 90+

STATS	USA	CUB
Shots	18	4
Shots OG	13	2
Saves	1	6
Corners	9	1
Fouls	11	9
Offside	3	3

MLS Saturday & Sunday (Week 29)

Saturday
New England 0-1 Kansas City (CAB)
Jimmy Conrad scored his sixth of the year for the Wizards. Flashback to preseason...Conrad tells Extratime tools that if he scores 10, KC wins the MLS Cup. Four more to go, Jimmy. With three playoff spots left, KC kept pace with RSL and New York with the win.

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Toronto 2-2 FC Dallas (PSP)
TFC's Marco Velez and Marvell Wynne scored in between a Kenny Cooper sandwich. But considering the top piece of bread was a PK given in injury time, Toronto FC fans were left with a bad taste in their mouths. The PK was awarded after rookie Julius James tugged Adrian Serioux down by the shirt. No video evidence was offered on mlsnet.

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Chivas USA 1-0 San Jose (BSS)
Justin Braun scored in the seventh minute and than the Goats Americano shut it down with good defense for 83 minutes. The win clinched a post-season berth for Chivas USA, who have won four in a row.

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Sunday
Columbus 2-2 Chicago (Toyota Park)
This just in: Brian McBride plays for the Chicago Fire. I know this because he finally reared his head (pun intended) in their match with his ol' team Columbus. Providing the first and last goal of the game in a 2-2 draw. Eddie Gaven and Guillermo Barros Schelotto scored second-half goals for the Crew. But more importantly, the Crew secured the Supporters Shield and are thus, this year's MLS league champions.

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DC United 0-0 Houston (Robertson Stadium)
A nil-nil draw moves DC closer to the offseason and further away from the playoffs. Hope that Open Cup trophy is big enough for Tom Soehn's tears. DC also loses defender Bryan Namoff for the next match, as he was shown a second caution in the 73rd minute.

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Colorado 2-3 Los Angeles (HDC)
David Beckham is away. Landon Donovan plays just 27 minutes. And the Galaxy ... win. Go figure. Edson Buddle, a Ugo Ihemelu own goal and Brandon McDonald's first of the year gave L.A. the 3-2 victory. Former U.S. national team defender Cory Gibbs and a Tom McManus PK gave Colorado its two.