It Starts Here

There will be Blood, Randolph Macon!

A Blood War: The Yellow Jackets vs. The Tribe
John Stewart was fast? Who knew? Just watch the first two minutes and you'll understand.

New NIke Ad

Saw this posted on Steven Goff's Washington Post blog. It's the new Nike ad. Enjoy.

Beckham to buy MLS club

During an interview on 60 minutes, David Beckham revealed that his contract allows him the option to buy an MLS club when his contract with the Galaxy is up in 2011.

Oh, and fuck you, Anderson Cooper, "little known soccer team in Los Angeles." Little known to your metro-sexual ass. It would have been nice if you did some research. "He's not just known for scoring..." A couple interesting points, though:

• MLS attendance is up 9% since Becks arrival
  
• After five years Becks could make about $250 million
  
• Beckham still sounds like a little girl
• Andy Cooper plays like a girl

"What's your name again?"

DC's Bobby Boswell's Office-like documentary on former DC striker Alecko Eskandarian's return to DC (posted on bobbyboswell.com)

"Tyrannosaurus rex with hemorrhoids"

Check out this new blog called Hudsonia devoted to the weird and wacky commentating of former Miami Fusion and DC United head coach Ray Hudson.

A few highlights from Hudson's work with Gol TV:

"Barcelona were like a three pound chicken trying to lay a four pound egg .... just constipated in front of goal."

"I had the pleasure of meeting Carlos Puyol when we ran into Barcelona's team, Hristo Stoichkov was playing with us for DC United, and I lent Carlos my World Soccer magazine, I remember. Never got the bugger back, either."

"Lady Luck showed her big, ugly, fat, cellulite-laden backside to Betis, and smiled a lovely, diamond grin at Real Madrid here tonight."

"He couldn't help himself, just had, basically, an orgasm after he scored."

"Didn't lead to anywhere in the end, but I tell you what, I got a physical arousal from watching Bojan there." (is there a theme developing here? - TYH)

"The Russians wiped the floor with the most overrated international team, based on the most overrated individual footballers, based out of the most overrated domestic league in world international football - England, the premiership, and the rest of that sorry shower called England. Pathetic."

Also check out BigSoccer's "The Ray Hudson Quote Thread"

About a minute into the video and it's classic Ray

Is it the hot soccer moms?

High school soccer outdrew MLB's Marlins. Nothing to say here. I just thought this was funny. Although I think it probably speaks to how lousy South Florida's pro sports market is, more than the emergence of soccer:

At a 3A high school soccer game on Monday, about 400 people came out to watch Western Guilford play rival Western Alamance.

It's estimated, meanwhile, that fewer than 400 people attended the Florida Marlins' 5-4 extra-innings victory over the Washington Nationals on Wednesday.

After seeing highlights of this game, I'd say that 400 is a generous figure.

Click here for the complete article

Shut up, Donny!

If you are a soccer fan and you are a masochist, watch the video above. PTI discusses New York's 5-4 win over Beckham's Galaxy. Tony Kornheiser plays the part of Donny in The Big Lebowski. He's out of his element. He has no frame of reference. He's like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know what happened.

These are the same assholes telling us that a 1-0 baseball game is exciting. It's an old argument, but one that soccer bashers refuse to hear: If you understand and appreciate the skill it takes to play this game, you don't need more scoring to make it exciting. Look at the AFL...Not even ESPN would claim that the AFL is more exciting than the NFL and the AFL routinely averages well over a 100 points a game.

Ok, they are at least discussing MLS on PTI, so that's something, I guess. And maybe the rabid soccer fans are partly to blame for constantly trumpeting the rise of the soccer in this country. But Kornhole's refusal to acknowledge gains that the sport has made is just irrational and likely born out of the fear that he has finally become irrelevant. (News flash: that happened when you took the MNF job).

While Saturday's match was full of exciting goals, it was also full of lousy defense. MLS doesn't need more 5-4 matches; it needs fossils like Kornheiser to retire.

Is there a FIFA jinx?

EA Sports announced that RBNY and under-20 U.S. star Josmer Altidore will join Club America's 'keeper Guillermo Ochoa and Ronaldihno on the cover of EA SPORTS FIFA Soccer 08 in North America. The article announcing Altidore's presence on the popular video game had me wondering -- is there a FIFA Soccer jinx?

In the American form of rugby, many media pundits claim that gracing EA Sports' Madden series is the kiss of death. There's even a web site that tracks the results of each cover boy called Maddenjinx.com. From 2000 to 2008, the indentified author of the site details the athletic failures and injuries that plague the cover boys each year.

Rather than go through all the players who graced the cover since the 1994 debut of the game, which would be long and tedious, I decided to examine just the USA cover boys to determine if there is a FIFA cover jinx for American players.

The first American player to make it onto the cover (at least regionally) was "Rocket" Roy Lassiter for the North American edition of FIFA '98: Road To World Cup. In 1998, Lassiter led DC United to their third consecutive MLS Cup final, this time losing to newboys Chicago. Lassiter, however, had a very productive year with 18 goals in 25 matches. Jinx? Nope.

The next American cover boy was Eddie Pope for FIFA 2000. Pope, whose career has been marred by injuries, managed to play in 21 matches in 2000, more than any year previous. But his fouls were up considerably and United's young dynasty crumbled to a 8-18-6 record. United gave up 63 goals that season and went from champions to cellar dwellars. Jinx? Possibly.

DC United continued to dominate the covers, despite their dethroning, as FIFA 2001 featured midfielder Ben Olsen. Here's were superstitious people might begin to wonder. Olsen's career imploded in 2001 with severe ankle injuries that kept him sidelined the entire season. Having been loaned to Nottingham Forrest for their 2000-01 campaign, Olsen had impressed and was expected to be bought on permanently by the English club. The injury nixed that move and continued to affect him in 2002 as well. Jinx? Strong Evidence.

FIFA 2003 featured Landon Donovan on the cover in the U.S. and Canada releases. Donovan's 2003 was spent with the San Jose Earthquakes and, again, his performance explodes the notion of a jinx. The dyed-one led the 'Quakes to their first-ever MLS Cup championship, scoring two goals in the final, and was named Honda MLS Cup Most Valuable Player. He scored 12 goals and added six assists during the regular season. Donovan was also named U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year in 2003. Jinx? I think not.

It would be three years before another American cover boy would be selected and it would be yet another DC United player, as Freddy Adu was featured on FIFA 06. Adu's up-and-down career has been discussed at length on this site and others, but 2006 appears to have been an up year, despite his eventual trade to Real Salt Lake in December of that year. He finished third on the team with assists (8), although he only had two goals in 32 matches. He was named to the MLS All-Star team (although that isn't really a measure of success, just check out this year's roster). DC crashed out of the playoffs despite a record-setting 55-point regular season, but Adu avoided injuries and played in every match. Jinx? Nope.

In 2006, EA Sports went back to MLS golden boy Landon Donovan. Following his second cover appearance, Donovan had a crappy 2006. Los Angeles went 11-15-6 and missed the playoffs. Donovan had 12 goals and 8 assists in 24 matches, not a bad showing, but not enough to help his side get into the postseason. And we won't even mention the debacle in Germany. Jinx? Perhaps.

So, there you have it. Or don't have it. It's inconclusive, really. But there doesn't appear to be enough evidence to convince even the most paranoid of fans that there may be some kind of cosmic comeupance for the FIFA coverboy. Three out of the six players made it to the MLS playoffs, two had stellar years. And with the exception of Ben Olsen, none of the players had devestating injuries, like is so common with the Madden series. So, rest easy RBNY and U.S. fans, FIFA 2008 coverboy Josy should be fine.

Freddy: I grew up fast in MLS

Here's a pretty good Q&A by Jamie Trecker with Freddy Adu on FoxSoccer.com. Here are a few of the highlights:

On being the youngest pro in American sports:

FREDDY: I thought it was really cool. But I didn't really understand what being a pro was — I was kind of in my own little world! But when you're 13, you know, you're like "I'm famous!" and I really didn't understand what I had to do. And, yeah, there was a lot of pressure being put on me to sell the league, and I felt it right away. I did my best, and tried to help the league out. Now Beckham gets to do it! The truth is that it was a difficult time. I don't have and regrets, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to be a pro and to do things that other people haven't done. If I hadn't gone through all of that I would not be in this situation today. I grew up a lot and grew up fast here. It wasn't easy, but I rolled with it. Were there bumps? Yeah. And sometimes I was running my mouth to, you know? But those were things I learned from. Now, I'm a much better pro and a much better player. I know what to do, and I am ready right now.

On his struggles in MLS:

Well, I had never played as an outside midfielder before I joined this league. I played a couple of games in the middle where I was able to score some goals, but most of the time, that's where I was. I don't think my game is suited to that outside. I'm a person who needs to have a lot of touches and the freedom to move, and you really are restricted playing outside. The difference was that I got the chance to do that for [Coach] Thomas [Rongen] the U-20 Cup and I hope I was able to prove to people that I am a dangerous player and that's what I can do. Now, I hope the coaches overseas see that and give me the opportunity to do the same thing. Don't get me wrong: I'm really happy and thankful that MLS gave me the opportunity to start my pro career. Not many people would have taken that gamble.

This guy is a douchebag

Ok, so I've been trying to avoid getting into the whole Beckham-injury crap. Why? Because I could give a rat's ass if he plays or not. If he brings money to the league, and, in turn, the league gets stronger and is able to develop more young American players, then so bet it. But I was a fan of MLS before Beckham and I will be a fan after Beckham. So, that's why I've been avoiding the whole debate over whether he owes MLS fans in other cities a cameo or not. Because I just don't care.

But this idiot irritates me.

I realize that MLS will be seeing a lot of his type -- ass clowns who just found out that America has a soccer league -- and to them I say, thanks for your money, now shut the fuck up. 'Spice Boy' will play eventually and the amount of assholes paying money to just see him will decline eventually, too. But until then, real MLS fans will have to put up with these retards who think that MLS's sole point of existing is as a stage for a 32-year-old Englishman with a woman's voice. This isn't the NASL and he's not Pele!

The article calls this guy a "Dallas fan", but if I was a Dallas fan, I would be more concerned with how my defense can give up four goals in one half to a Beck-less Galaxy team that has managed only 13 points in 12 matches. I would be more concerned with whether or not I would see Juan Toja or Arturo Alvarez, not some overpaid LA metro-sexual.

This guy is not a Dallas fan; he's just some schmuck who wanted to get on TV. A white bandanna and a yellow polo shirt? Loverboy called, he wants his look back.

Ok, I'm done. Have at it.

Henry Rollins' letter to Becks

Gumbel pitches a big tent for soccer

"You tell 'em Steve Dave"

Steve Davis, Dallas-based columnist for ESPNsoccernet.com published a list of 10 rumors. Most of them we have already covered but there's a few "new" pieces of information, such as Eddie Johnson to Derby County or Porto, Adu to Benfica, not Celtic, and American Idol-creator Simon Fuller as a potential MLS power broker.
Here's the link

Please stop letting little Bradley write about soccer

Jeff Bradley released another Best XI column on mlsnet.com. Typical insipid, worthless commentary from ESPN's part-time soccer writer.

In it he tells us his favorite XI things about Major League Soccer (like we care) and then precedes to rattle off the most obvious of lists. I mean his insights make Shep Messing look like a Harvard grad (wait a minute).

So, he likes the (11) playoff race (yawn), all the (10) trades (“I never thought I'd see the day when I turned on an MLS game and saw a guy in uniform who had been traded unbeknownst to me.” Come on, my mom knows more about what’s going on in MLS right now and she still think Adu plays for United), and the (9) brilliant debuts (he cites “Carlos Toja in Dallas” Carlos? Has Juan’s brother been signed. C’mon, he was the star of the All-Star match which was last night and you can’t get his name right?!)*.

He also likes (8) dominant teams (“Houston Dynamo are looking like the team to beat, and I don't think it's just their ability to rock and roll on national television ... they're just flat good.” Wow, I haven’t seen this ability to grasp and state the obvious since Marcelo Balboa pretended to be a color commentator), (7) high drama (“It could not be any more dramatic than what's been laid out for Mr. Beckham…” Sure it could, what if for every Galaxy game we dipped Beckham’s shorts in liver and then had Michael Vick release his dogs at the opening whistle), and (6) the race for the golden boot (yawn).

His Top 5 are as exciting as reading the User License Agreement for downloaded porn video software. He loves (5) atmosphere (Who doesn’t love being able to breath?), (4) pressure cookers (Who doesn’t love a little high-altitude goulash?), (3) Home boys (I actually agree with this one. I thought “Hanging with the Homeboys” was a vastly underrated comedy, starring Mario Joyner and John Leguizamo), (2) Soccer in Canada (“I'm not going to pretend to know much about soccer North of the Border, but I do know they lost a baseball team in Montreal a few years back...” (Why would a soccer journalist know more about baseball in Canada than soccer? Because he’s not a soccer journalist), and the final reason Bradley loves MLS in 2007 …

(1) Three in the booth. (Look I’m a fan of the ménage a trios as much as the next guy, but then you have to buy lotions and robes and things. Plus, Rob Stone, Eric Wynalda and Tommy Smyth is a pretty disgusting threesome. But it would bring new meaning to the phrase, “This commentator blows”)

Stick to baseball Bradley and give up "covering" MLS. We all know you haven’t followed what has been happening in the league since your only source got the national team job.

P.S. Just so you don’t think that TYH hates all other soccer writers at the Worldwide Leader in Every Sport Sans Soccer. I really enjoy reading Andrea Canales. Here’s a link to her archive. I don't always agree with her analysis, but at least she knows Juan from Carlos.

* For the record, Juan's full name is Juan Carlos Toja Vega, but I don't think Bradley was given special permission to call him "Carlos", when everyone else calls him Juan.

Opinions are like...

Well, we all know what opinions are like...but I'm getting sick and tired of part-time soccer "journalists" sweeping in to cover the U.S.., only to brand any success we have as "ugly" or "undeserved" or "lucky." In this latest installment of soccer by dummies (no doubt a wire story reconstructed from post-match comments), the "writer" for PA Sports Ticker states in his lead that, "The United States has no interest in playing the beautiful game when it meets Austria in the quarterfinals of the FIFA U20 World Cup on Saturday." Using as his basis for this hypothesis, he quotes several Americans discussing the "ugly" nature of their win over Uru-crybabies. Here's one quote:

"Americans teams have heart, American players have heart," midfielder Danny Szetela told FIFA.com. "You need to play with guts sometimes and find a way to win that isn't pretty."

Certainly the win over Uruguay was ugly, no doubt about it. But the U.S. weren't responsible for the state of that match. No it was the good ol' Uruguayan tactics of "slash and spill" that destroyed the beauty and creativity that could have been. If the writer of the piece had bothered to watch the game, he/she/it would have seen that Uruguay continued to dive in with reckless, two-footed challenges (slash) and then, fall at the slightest contact with an American player (spill). No, sir/madam/other, it wasn't the U.S.'s style that made the match ugly; it was the Uruguayans and the awful referee. But I wouldn't expect most North American mainstream journalists (or even biased European journalists) to understand that there is a difference in the way a Brazil plays versus the way Uruguay plays, even at the U-20 level.

But I do expect "journalists" to pull their heads out of their asses to take a look at some of the other matches that this team of "ugly" Americans has played in. You want the beautiful game, check out USA vs. Poland or USA vs. Brazil from the first round. Or better yet, do yourself a favor and avoid writing about a sport that you obviously know nothing about. Oh, and if you didn't know, opinions are like assholes.

Click here for an example of poor journalism

Click below for an example of the "Beautiful Game" used on its creators.