TYH'S MLS BEST 11 (Conference semis Gm1)

GOALKEEPER

M. Reis (NE)

DEFENDERS

K. Zavagnin (KC), M. Parkhurst (NE), W. Conde (CHI)

MIDFIELDERS

A. Alvarez (DAL), R. Mulrooney (HOU), S Joseph (NE), C Blanco (CHI)

FORWARD

C. Goodson (DAL), D. Arnaud (KC), C. Rolfe (CHI)

MLS Playoffs: Underdogs mark territory in Gm 1

Dallas and Kansas City will take 1-0 leads into their away matches next week, while New York and New England finished in a scoreless draw in Game 1 action of the MLS Conference semi-finals. On Thursday, Chicago also managed a 1-0 home victory against DC United.

SCORES
New England 0-0 New York

Houston 0-1 FC Dallas
DAL -- Clarence Goodson 1 (unassisted) 23

Chivas USA 0-1 Kansas City
KC -- Davy Arnaud 1 (unassisted) 35

MLS Playoffs: DC United 0, Chicago 1

Chris Rolfe scored in the 14th minute to give Chicago the 1-0 win over Supporters' Shield winners DC United in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semi-finals Thursday night at Toyota Park.

A great atmosphere at Toyota Park boosted the Fire and particular Rolfe who seemed to be moving just a bit quicker than DC's back line. On the goal, Rolfe simply picked up a misplayed ball and fired a hard shot past Troy Perkins. Perkins actually did well to keep the score at 1-0, as the defense seemed to have difficulty with long, searching balls played over the top.

Game 2 will be next Thursday, November 1 at RFK Stadium.

MLS Cup tournament preview, aka re-seeding stupidity

The MLS Cup playoffs begin tomorrow, as I am sure you are all aware. Hundreds of thousands of people will stay up all night studying the eight teams vying for the league’s second-most important trophy* and filling out their MLS brackets. It's a tough tournament to handicap due to MLS’s moronic re-seeding. TYH looks at the first-round match-ups and breaks out the Cracked Crystal Ball to give you some help.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

DC United vs. Chicago Fire
Game #1 @ Chicago (Oct.25, 8:30pmET)
Game #2 @ DC (Nov.1, 7:30pmET)


The deciding factor in this match will not be the play of Blanco, of Christian Gomez or even of old man Jaime Moreno. The deciding factor will be whether DC cares enough about the Cup after winning the Supporters’ Shield. As stated many times before on this blog, the Shield affords United with all the rights and privileges that the Cup provides, namely entrance into both the SuperLiga and CONCACAF Champions Cup. Plus, the players, the coaches and even the MLS execs are beginning to recognize it as the true MLS Championship. This is evidenced by the fact that next year the payout for the Cup and Shield will be the same. But, wait a minute, United are professionals, right? Plus, the Cup final is at RFK this year, so there’s that to play for. Meanwhile, Chicago has been surging since hiring Juan Carlos Osorio and Blanco has been orchestrating like someone half-ok, not half but like someone a year or two younger. Chicago found the game-winner in the Market Share Cup (so named because the MLS suits were all hoping that Chicago would lose) and eliminated the LA Beckhams from the post-season. But this is United featuring Golden Boot winner Luciano Emilio and last year's (and possibly this year’s) MVP. Despite an early stumble and a few bad matches along the way, MLS’s most decorated franchise has been consistently good all season long. Why would it change now? Although I’m sure many said the same thing last year when they won the Shield and were bounced from the playoffs in Round 1.

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: DC will advance on aggregate after an ill-timed "Blanco bounce" results in a "Blanco hernia", and he’s gone for game 2.

New England vs. New York
Game #1 @ New York (Oct.27, 7:30pmET)
Game #2 @ New England (Nov.3, 7:30pmET)

On the surface, this looks like a no-brainer. On one hand, you have the Revolution, who put up 50 points and scored 51 goals, the second highest total in MLS, and on the other hand, you have the Red Bulls, who have allowed the most goals (45) of any playoff team. So it’s an easy win for the US Open Cup Champions, right? Not so fast, Poindexter. The Revs are winless since the Open Cup final and have only won four of their last ten regular season matches. But thankfully for Double-T and the gang, MLS’s retarded re-seeding has them playing New York and not Dallas (who are actually the fifth seed in a single-table format and therefore should be playing the fourth seed). And New York have performed even worse down the stretch, winning just twice in the last ten matches. Plus. New England owned New York in the regular season, beating them twice and drawing once.

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: Defying the odds, New York will string together a pair of outstanding defensive performances and will only lose by two goals on aggregate.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
Chivas USA vs. Kansas City
Game #1 @ Kansas City (Oct.27, 8pmET)
Game #2 @ Chivas USA (Nov.3, 10:30pmET)

In a perfect world, Chivas USA would be facing Blanco’s Chicago in a fiesta de spectacular, but instead, Chivas USA will face the Wizards, who nearly pulled a disappearing act to finish the season. KC went 3-7-2 in the months of August, September and October and still managed to back there way into the playoffs. They split their two games with Chivas this season, so the head-to-head gives little indication of how this match up will go. But as EdJo goes, so do the Wizards. Despite the “emergence” of Scott “trained” Sealy last weekend, Ed Johnson has been the only consistent goal-scorer for KC. He has 15 goals this season and the next closest on the list is Sealy with seven (two of which came in the final match). If the Wizards hope to advance, they need someone else to step up. But so will Chivas. Despite nearly snatching the Supporters’ Shield from DC this season, Chivas have relied heavily upon the duo of Ante Razov and Maykel Galindo. With Razov likely out for round one with a sprained knee, Galindo will need help from John Cunliffe and Sacha Kljestan. All in all, the match-up should be a low-scoring affair (which of course means that it won’t be).

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: Jimmy Conrad will score four goals in two games with his new-found abilities of telekinesis. And then he will wake-up to find that Game 2 is over, that KC have been eliminated, and that no one bothered to wake him at halftime.

Houston vs. FC Dallas
Game #1 @ Dallas (Oct.27, 8pmET)
Game #2 @ Houston (Nov.2, 8:30pmET)

Possibly no one got screwed more in MLS’s re-seeding than defending Cup-winners Houston who must face Dallas in the first round, instead of the Red Bulls. But re-seeding certainly gave us one hell of a Texas showdown. Although the Dynamo owned Dallas (3-0-1) during the regular season, their last meeting is the reason why the Dynamo should be worried. During their Sept. 30th 3-0 win over Dallas, Dynamo midfielder Ricardo Clark lost his shit and tried to use Carlos Ruiz’s head as the ball. The kick cost Clark nine games and $10,000, and it might cost the Dynamo a chance at a Cup final repeat. Clark is appealing the decision, but will most definitely be out for this series. Dallas on the other hand recently saw the return of favorite son Kenny Cooper, a boost to a somewhat sagging offense. Defending against Cooper, Ruiz, a fitter Denilson and all-star Juan Toja is a tall order for any team, but the MLS's best defense is certainly up to the task. The Dynamo posted a league-best 23 goals against and second-best goal differential with +20. It’s the best match-up of Round 1 and could turn into the best series of the tournament.

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball picked Dallas at midseason, but did not foresee MLS’s re-seeding (what? it’s cracked; i missed it so sue me); however, the ball remains steadfast in its prediction. Dallas will advance. Oh, and someone will break Ruiz’s leg in the box, but just like the boy who cried wolf, no one will believe him or his gaping bloody, bone-exposed wound.

*Yes, I'm being facetious.

TYH's Mock Promotion/Relegation Battle

Los Angeles survived the mock drop and nearly made the Cup playoffs, but it was a bad week to be a Canadian or a Mormon, as both Real Salt Lake and Toronto FC finished the mock season at 12th and 13th, respectively. This means, of course, that both clubs will have to endure the mock humiliation of mock relegation to the USL.1 for next mock season. It also proves, of course, that neither God nor Canada really exists.

Taking their place in MLS next mock season will be the USL.1 double winners the Seattle Sounders* and the runners-up the Portland Timbers.

MLS Relegated Clubs:

TEAM	GP	W	L	D	Pts.	Diff
RSL	30	6	15	9	27	-14
TOR	30	6	17	7	25	-24

USL.1 Promoted Clubs:

TEAM	GP	W	L	D	Pts.	Diff
Seattle	28	16	6	6	54	14
Portland	28	14	5	9	51	14

*Seattle may indeed be promoted in non-mock reality. Rumors are flying around the web that Seattle will be the next expansion team announced for either 2008 or 2009.

"Tyrannosaurus rex with hemorrhoids"

Check out this new blog called Hudsonia devoted to the weird and wacky commentating of former Miami Fusion and DC United head coach Ray Hudson.

A few highlights from Hudson's work with Gol TV:

"Barcelona were like a three pound chicken trying to lay a four pound egg .... just constipated in front of goal."

"I had the pleasure of meeting Carlos Puyol when we ran into Barcelona's team, Hristo Stoichkov was playing with us for DC United, and I lent Carlos my World Soccer magazine, I remember. Never got the bugger back, either."

"Lady Luck showed her big, ugly, fat, cellulite-laden backside to Betis, and smiled a lovely, diamond grin at Real Madrid here tonight."

"He couldn't help himself, just had, basically, an orgasm after he scored."

"Didn't lead to anywhere in the end, but I tell you what, I got a physical arousal from watching Bojan there." (is there a theme developing here? - TYH)

"The Russians wiped the floor with the most overrated international team, based on the most overrated individual footballers, based out of the most overrated domestic league in world international football - England, the premiership, and the rest of that sorry shower called England. Pathetic."

Also check out BigSoccer's "The Ray Hudson Quote Thread"

About a minute into the video and it's classic Ray

MLS Cup playoffs set

Click here for the complete schedule

TYH'S MLS BEST 11 (Week 29)

GOALKEEPER

J. Cannon (LA)

DEFENDERS

M. Parkhurst (NE), C. Waibel (HOU), C. Talley (RSL)

MIDFIELDERS

S. Holden (HOU), R. Rogers (CLB), C. Gomez (DC), G.B. Schelotto (CLB)

FORWARD

S. Sealy (KC), J. Thorrington (CHI), A. Moreno (CLB)

Youthful U.S. slips one past Swiss

It was a couple of U.S. national teaam noobies that helped create a late winner, scored by coach's son Michael Bradley, in USA's 1-0 victory over Switzerland in St. Jakob Park in Basel.

The game-winner started with Toronto FC midfielder and cap virgin Maurice Edu finding fellow first-capper Danny Szetela on the right. Szetela crossed to Clint Dempsey who played the ball off his knee to an onrushing Bradley who tucked it home just four minutes from time.

In a rather boring match, played in rainy conditions, the U.S. was able to feature some new, young faces and begin to determine if any of these new legs might run into the national team picture for World Cup qualification. Although coach Bob Bradley began with a somewhat predictable line-up, he managed to get everyone (save Jay DeMerit) into the match, including Freddy Adu who entered the match for Taylor Twellman in the 77th minute and nearly made it 2-0 after a nifty through ball by Dempsey.

The next match for the U.S. will be on November 17 against the 2010 World Cup hosts, South Africa in the Nelson Mandela Challenge Cup at Ellis Park Stadium in South Africa.

Scoring:
USA – Bradley (Dempsey) 86

Lineups:
USA: 24-Marcus Hahnemann (18-Brad Guzan, 46); 6-Steve Cherundolo, 22-Oguchi Onyewu (2-Dan Califf, 46), 3-Carlos Bocanegra (Capt.), 7-Eddie Lewis (9-Danny Szetela, 84); 5-Benny Feilhaber, 13-Maurice Edu, 4-Michael Bradley,17-DaMarcus Beasley (11-Heath Pearce, 31); 20-Taylor Twellman (25-Freddy Adu, 77), 8-Clint Dempsey (29-Robbie Findley, 90)

SUI: 1-Pascal Zuberbühler; 2-Johan Djourou (25-Steve Von Bergen, 17), 3-Ludovic Magnin (Capt.), 5-Xavier Margairaz (22-Hakan Yakin, 46); 11-Marco Streller (31-Blaise Nkufo, 46), 13-Stephane Grichting, 14-David Degen, 16-Tranquillo Barnetta (17-Christoph Spycher, 75), 27-Gokhan Inler, 29-Stephan Lichtsteiner, 35-Fabio Celestini (33-Gelson Fernandes, 46)

Patriot of the Pitch©: Clint Dempsey

DC United -- MLS champions!!

DC United clinched the true championship of Major League Soccer, the Supporters' Shield, on Sunday, after Chivas USA lost to Colorado and fell out of contention for the regular season crown. It is the first time an MLS club has won back-to-back Shields.

The Supporters' Shield affords the regular season champion with the same rights and priviledge as the MLS Cup, which the league considers the official championship, despite the fact that regular-season point totals decide the champion in leagues all over the world. As winners of this year's Shield, United will represent MLS in 2008 CONCACAF Champions' Cup and SuperLiga tournaments.

"For me, it's a special thing," said head coach Tom Soehn of the Supporters' Shield. "It's one of the things you pride yourself on at the beginning of the season, the [international] tournaments which are so important to me -- knowing that we're going to be back in there, that was probably my No. 2 goal on the list. So we're all excited about that. It's a situation where we've controlled our own destiny the whole time, and that makes you pretty proud as a coach as well."

DC United's stellar season stands at 55 points, with a single game left to play (Saturday, vs. Columbus). Having clinched the Eastern Conference in MLS's ludicrous divisional format, United will have home-field advantage if they reach the conference final. They can also look forward to home field if they reach the Cup final, as MLS Cup 2007 will be played at RFK Stadium on November 18.

But the double would be icing on the cake.

"We've won the table," said United general manager Dave Kasper. "In our case, the table is two conferences, but still, when you're looking at the regular season, the championship is the Supporters' Shield. The table doesn't lie and it's something that we're very proud of."

It's fitting that this is my 201st post since I have to eat a bit of crow on this one for trashing Soehn at the beginning of the season. But, c'mon, even the most diehard of United fans had to admit that they were worried the way the season began. He proved me wrong, what can I say. Congratulations, United!

Here's a DC-Crew preview from Access United

TYH'S MLS BEST 11 (Week 28)

GOALKEEPER

B. Coundoul (COL)

DEFENDERS

D. McTavish (DC), J. Bornstein (CHV), U. Ihemelu (COL)

MIDFIELDERS

E. Gaven (CLB), L. Donovan (LA), S. Miglioranzi (CLB),
D. Richards (NY), S. Ralston (NE)

FORWARD

J.P. Angel (NY), E. Buddle (LA)

USA feature new faces in Swiss test

USA coach Bob Bradley has named a practice roster for the October 17 friendly against Switzerland, and Freddy Adu has finally made the list. Despite his stellar play at the under-20 World Cup and a promising start with his new club Benfica, this is Adu's first call up since January of 2006.

Also making the list are some unfamiliar European-based players: Preston Zimmerman, Steve Purdy and goalkeeper Tally Hall. Youngsters Chris Seitz, Sal Zizzo, Danny Szetela, Maurice Edu and Robbie Findley were also called into camp. Along with his "something new," Bradley must have wanted his "something old," as he called up Eddie Lewis.

Even with the perplexing Lewis and Danny Califf selections, this roster showcases some of the up-and-coming talent that, until now, Bradley has been ignoring, and it really serves the purpose that he ascribed to his horrible Copa America roster. That is, it features talent that should be the next group of U.S. stars in 2010. Now, let's see if he lets any of them play.

Goalkeepers
Hahnemann, Marcus - Reading (England)
Hall, Tally - Esbjerg (Denmark)
Seitz, Chris - Real Salt Lake (MLS)

Defenders
Bocanegra, Carlos - Fulham (England)
Cherundolo, Steve - Hannover 96 (Germany)
Califf, Danny - Aalborg BK (Denmark)
DeMerit, Jay - Watford (England)
Onyewu, Oguchi - Standard Liege (Belgium)
Pearce, Heath - Hansa Rostock (Germany)
Purdy, Steve - 1860 Munich II (Germany)

Midfielders
Adu, Freddy - Benfica (Portugal)
Beasley, DaMarcus - Rangers (Scotland)
Bradley, Michael - Heerenveen (Holland)
Edu, Maurice - Toronto FC (MLS)
Feilhaber, Benny - Derby County (England)
Lewis, Eddie - Derby County (England)
Szetela, Danny - Racing Santander (Spain)

Forwards
Dempsey, Clint - Fulham (England)
Findley, Robbie - Real Salt Lake (MLS)
Zimmerman, Preston - Hamburg SV II (Germany)
Zizzo, Sal - Hannover 96 (Germany)

MLS Weekend playoff push

A preview of the penultimate weekend:

SATURDAY, OCT 13
Chicago @ DC United (7:30pmET)
Chicago are still fighting to make the playoffs, while DC United are just two points clear of Chivas USA in the Supporters' Shield race (the true chanpion of MLS). Galaxy supporters will also be watching this contest and (gasp) cheering for their Easter rivals DC. But even with a Chicago win, LA isn't quite dead (see below).
PREDICTION: DC 2, CHI 2

Columbus @ New England (7:30pmET)
The Crew are also on the playoff cusp, five points behind Chicago for the last spot. A Chicago win against DC United eliminates them regardless of their result against New England. New England, meanwhile, are playing for the Eastern Conference title and an outside shot at the Supporters' Shield (although a DC win tonight would make both impossible).
PREDICTION: CLB 0, NE 2

Kansas City @ New York (7:30pmET)
A somewhat regular feature of the MLS season is the annual Kansas City nosedive. This year isn't much different, as the Wizards continue to go as EdJo goes and when he's not scoring they struggle. Enter New York who have qualified for the playoffs already and will likely field a weak team, hoping to heal and rest before the playoffs begin.
PREDICTION: KC 2, NY 4

Toronto @ Los Angeles (10:30pmET)
The Galaxy's motivation (or lack thereof) will be determined by the CHI-DC match earlier in the night. If their hated rivals (DC) can defeat Chicago, then Galaxy can close the gap with Chicago to just three points with a win against the already eliminated Toronto. But unike Columbus, Los Angeles controls its own destiny, if they win out in the final three matches. They are in the playoffs, regardless of what Columbus and Colorado do. How, you ask? Well, if Colorado wins its last two they will have 38 points, while Coloumbus, if successful in their two would have 37. The best news for Galaxy fans is that Chicago faces Los Angeles in their final match of the season. So if Los Angeles can string together wins over TFC and NY (Oct. 18), the contest in Chicago on October 21 will determine the final spot.
PREDICTION: TOR 0, LA 1

SUNDAY, OCT 14
Colorado @ Chivas USA (3pmEST)
Chivas are just two points behind DC United in the race for the Supporters' Shield, while Colorado is on the playoff bubble. Chicago has a chance to burst their bubble on Saturday with a win over DC United, which would eliminate Colorado from the postseason. But if Chicago loses or draws, Colorado is still alive with a win over Chivas.
PREDICTION: COL 3, CHV 3

Business up front, party in the back

TYH'S MLS BEST 11 (Week 27)

GOALKEEPER

R. Burse (DAL)

DEFENDERS

F. Erpen (COL), W. Conde (CHI), A. Jazic (LA)

MIDFIELDERS

M. Edu (TOR), L. Donovan (LA), P. Mastroeni (COL), C. Armas (CHI)

FORWARD

A. Thompson (DAL), J. Cunliffe (CHV), C. Barrett (CHI)

MLS Week 27: Mostly dead

"I'm not dead."
"He says he's not dead."
"I don't want to go on the cart."
"Oh, don't be such a baby"

Los Angeles refuses to go on the cart. And if the luck they have demonstrated throughout the season holds, they will make it to the brink of the playoffs, raising the hopes of their fans and all the MLS execs praying for a Beckham postseason ... before they are unceremoniously eliminated the final weekend. It's just surprising that we are even still talking about the possibility of a LA post-season in week 27. But they did manage to stay alive. RSL and Toronto weren't so lucky.

In the Supporter's Shield race, Chivas USA is now hot on the heels of DC United, who drew against the hapless Wizards. New England, meanwhile, suffered an LHOC championship hangover against Chicago and will now need help to get back into the Shield race.

OCT. 7
Los Angeles 2-1 Houston
Ok, I'm not one for conspiracy theories but this result is a head scratcher. LA goes into Houston and takes down the defending MLS Cup champs 2-1, with goals from Carlos Pavon and the recently red-hot Gavin Glinton. With three matches still to play, the Galaxy are now just six points away from the last playoff spot, and will finish against Toronto, New York and Chicago (who currently hold the final spot in the playoffs). Now I'm not saying anything dirty or underhanded is in the works, but it's just naive to think that Don Garber isn't routing for a Chicago, Colorado and Columbus collapse. WIth B-ham up and running with the team recently, I bet that MLS execs are praying nightly (and perhaps sending Blanco strippers at 2am).
Full Match Recap

Toronto 0-1 Colorado
Despite being down a man for a majority of the match, Colorado continues to try to save Fernando Clavijo's job, as they pick up the 1-0 win at home against already eliminated Toronto FC. The only goal was courtesy of USMNTer-once-upon-a-time Jovan Kirovski, who beat Kenny Stamatopoulos (aka The Gyro Salad) from the penalty spot. The win puts the Rapids four points behind the final playoff spot with two matches to play (@ Chivas USA, vs. RSL).
Full Match Recap

OCT. 6
FC Dallas 3-1 Columbus
FC Dallas punched their ticket to the MLS post-season with an impressive second half on the road against the Columbus Crew. The Crew's Eddie Gaven put his side up in the 31st minute, only to see the wheels come off the big yellow school bus in the second half, as Arturo Alvarez equalized three minutes after the whistle and Abe Thompson score two in the final four minutes. The Crew is still on the outside looking in, trailing the final spot in the playoffs by five points with two matches to play. And that's the good news. The bad news is that they will need to get those points from DC and New England who are locked in a Supporters' Shield race.
Full Match Recap

New England 1-2 Chicago
Chicago strengthened their hold on the final playoff spot, with an impressive win over the Open Cup champion Revolution at home on Saturday. Goals from Chris Rolfe and Chad Barrett were enough to collect the result after the Fire went down 1-0 early in the contest after a long-distance strike from Jeff Larentowicz. Whether it was an Open Cup hang over or not, New England lost ground in the race for the East and now has to hope that United loses its last two matches.
Full Match Recap

Chivas USA 3-2 Real Salt Lake
The inevitable conclusion of RSL's season came to pass in a 3-2 home loss to red-hot Chivas USA, as a brace by John Cunliffe and a third from Paulo Nagamura was enough to fend off a first half goal from Chris Brown and a 63rd minute goal by Robbie Findley. Chivas now leads the West, whiel RSL were eliminated from the playoffs thanks to Chicago's 2-1 win. Chivas has the Supporters' Shield in their sights, with FC Dallas, Colorado and Houston left to play.
Full Match Recap

OCT. 5
DC United 1-1 Kansas City
MLSnet bills it as a possible playoff preview, but not unless Kansas City continues to get goals from players not named Eddie Johnson. They did in this draw, as forward Scott Sealy scored just before halftime. DC United's Christian Gomez made sure the Supporters' Shield favorites didn't leave Arrowhead empty handed, equalizing in the 56th minute with a superbly struck shot. With two matches to play, DC is just three points ahead of Chivas USA, who have a game in hand. DC's magic number for winning the East is one.
Full Match Recap.

OCT. 4
New York 1-2 Toronto
Despite breaking their 12-game winless streak, TFC's 2-1 upset of New York was all for nothing as Chicago's win a few days later mathematically eliminated them from the post-season. It's unfortunate, not only for MoJo and the Canucks, but for MLS, which would have enjoyed the atmosphere of BMO Field in the playoffs. But with the win came a possible glimpse of the future, as Maurice Edu scored his fourth goal of the season and TFC held a potent Red Bulls attack without a shot on goal in the first half. An own goal by (MLS's worst) defender Chris Leitch in the 66th and a Dane Richards strike for New York in the 75th minute rounded out the scoring.
Full Match Recap.

Foudy and Chastain

MLS drops the hammer on Clark

The AP is reporting that MLS has given Dynamo midfielder Ricardo Clark a nine-game ban and was fined $10,000 for kicking FC Dallas forward Carlos Ruiz.Click here for the article.

This is the longest suspension MLS has handed to a player and means that the Dynamo will be without Clark's services in the post-season. The previous record was six games handed out to Dario Sala, Thomas Ravelli, and Andy Herron in separate incidents. And lest you think that $10,000 is a drop in the bucket for a pro athlete, according to MLS salary statistics for 2006, Ricardo Clark makes about $173,000 a year.

TYH's Mock Promotion/Relegation Battle

Congratulations to the Seattle Sounders and the Portland Timbers, who became the first two teams to win mock-promotion from the USL-1 to MLS in TYH's Mock Promotion/Relegation Battle! Portland secured passage by virtue of a second-place regular season finish, after the Seattle Sounders* tore through the postseason and succeeded in capturing the USL-1 double, as regular and post-season champs.

Meanwhile, the drama over mock relegation heats up in MLS. Toronto managed a 2-1 win over New York to overtake Real Salt Lake in the standings, but both clubs remains in the drop zone, three points behind Los Angeles. RSL face Chivas USA and Los Angeles take on Houston. Although both the Chivas and the Dynamo have clinched playoff berths, they are fighting for a second seed and an outside shot at the Supporters' Shield, so neither club will be taking their foot of the pedal. It's enough to make an owner mock nervous. The Galaxy will host Toronto on October 13 in a match that may likely decide the mock fate of both clubs. Stay mock tuned.

USL.1 Promoted Clubs:

TEAM	GP	W	L	D	Pts.	Diff
Seattle	28	16	6	6	54	14
Portland	28	14	5	9	51	14

MLS Relegation Candidates (Week 26):

TEAM	GP	W	L	D	Pts.	Diff
COL	27	7	12	8	29	-6
LA	26	7	13	6	27	-11
TOR	27	6	15	6	24	-22
RSL	27	5	14	8	24	-13

*Seattle may indeed be promoted in non-mock reality. Rumors are flying around the web that Seattle will be the next expansion team announced for either 2008 or 2009.

Open Cup: Noo-bies win

Not since the 1980 release of Caddyshack has a Noonan figured so prominently in a championship, as New England Revolution knocked off FC Dallas 3-2 in the 2007 Lamar Hunt US Open Cup.

Pat Noonan scored the opener in the 21st minute and then set up two more, leading the Revolution to their first ever US Open Cup title.

The opening goal came when Dallas defender Adrian Serioux mis-hit a Steve Ralston cross and it fell to Noonan at the dar post. But FC Dallas fought back nine minutes later with a long distance cracker from Arturo Alvarez, which bent just inside the post.

The Revs went ahead again right before halftime, as Noonan flicked on a Ralston corner kick to Taylor Twellman at the far post, and then Wells Thompson made it 3-1 in the 58th minute. A endline cross from Twellman was back-heeled by Noonan to Thompson who beat Serioux and then goalkeeper Dario Sala with the shot.

But the Hoops didn't go down without a fight, as substitute Abe Thompson one-timed a header flick from Clarence Goodson in the 64th minute. Even with five forwards in the closing minutes, including a recently recovered Kenny Cooper, Dallas was unable to find the equalizer.

Scoring Summary
NE – Pat Noonan (unassisted) 21
FCD – Arturo Alvarez (David Wagenfuhr) 30
NE – Taylor Twellman (Pat Noonan) 41
NE – Wells Thompson (Pat Noonan) 58
FCD – Abe Thompson (Clarence Goodson) 64

New England: Matt Reis, James Riley, Michael Parkhurst, Jay Heaps, Andy Dorman, Jeff Larentowicz, Khano Smith, Wells Thompson (Adam Cristman 78), Steve Ralston ©, Taylor Twellman, Pat Noonan

FC Dallas: Dario Sala, David Wagenfuhr (Kenny Cooper 76), Clarence Goodson, Adrian Serioux, Drew Moor, Dax McCarty, Pablo Ricchetti (Alex Yi 46, Abe Thompson 64), Juan Toja, Dominic Oduro, Carlos Ruiz ©, Arturo Alvarez

Misconduct Summary
NE – Jeff Larentowicz (caution) 74
NE – James Riley (caution) 86

Copa Suda: Why can't we win in Mexico?

DC United lost the away leg 1-0 in their Copa Sudamerica matchup against CD Guadajalara on October 2nd and were bounced from the tournament, thanks to the away goal scored in DC's 2-1 victory last week. Ramón Morales scored for Chivas in the 63rd minute.

If the MLS execs want to convince the soccer viewing public in this country that MLS is a competitive league and has raised its level of play on par with the rest of the leagues in this region, we have to start winning games in hostile climes. Sure there's the batteries and bags of urine to contend with during the game and the chanting fans outside the hotel room the night before, but American clubs need to find a way to be more successful South of the Border or they will never be taken serious among the casual fans (or among the largely untapped Latino and Hispanic market.

Official Match Report

Ricardo Clark loses his shit

Maybe it was the elbow FC Dallas forward Carlos Ruiz delivered early in the game to the back of Eddie Robinson's head or maybe it was all the diving or maybe El Pescadito said something about his mama, but Dynamo midfielder Ricardo Clark lost his freakin' mind, and for all the world to see (well those watching MLS on Spanish-language TV anyway) unleashed a wicked right-foot on Carlos Ruiz that would have made Quinton Jackson cringe. So much for the ol' adage, never kick a man when he's down.

Here's the video (courtesy of YouTuber tbone420.

TYH'S MLS BEST 11 (Week 26)

GOALKEEPER

N. Rimando (RSL)

DEFENDERS

M. Burch (DC), M. Parkhurst (NE), T. Harden (LA)

MIDFIELDERS

K. Martino (LA), S. Holden (HOU), Fred (DC),
C. Blanco (CHI), S. Joseph (NE)

FORWARD

D. DeRosario (HOU), L. Emilio (DC)

MLS Week 26: Who wants to go?

Chicago could only manage a draw, but Colorado couldn't gain any ground as the race for the final playoff spot heats up. Meanwhile, DC United cruised on the back of four second-half goals (including Luciano Emilio's 20th), to keep four points separating them and New England in the race for the real MLS championship, the Supporters' Shield. Columbus missed a chance to leapfrog Chicago and move into the eighth playoff spot, while Houston won the Texas showdown with Houston.

SEPT. 30
Houston 3-0 FC Dallas

Los Angeles 2-1 Columbus

SEPT. 29
Toronto 1-4 DC United
Toronto got on the board early, with a Carl Robinson free kick in the 14th minute, but then DC brought the pain, with four unanswered goals in the second half. DC defender Marc Burch continues to have a stellar year with a goal in the 52nd minute, a cracker from 18-yards. Target practice continued four minutes later when Fred hit a long-distance effort from near the same spot as Burch, finding the upper, right corner. Jaime Moreno added to his record-setting goal talley with an easy finish from the six, after a nice through ball delivery from Copa Sudamerica hero Clyde Simms. And Luciano Emilio scored his 20th goal of the season, connecting after Christian Gomez's freekick his the crossbar. It's the first time that an MLS player has scored 20 goals in a season, since 2002 when Carlos Ruiz scored 24. The all-time record is 27 goals by Roy Lassiter in the inaugural year (1996).
Full Match Recap

Colorado 0-1 New England
It took 88 minutes, but New England got the result against Colorado, as Khano Smith beat the Rapids defense and then Colorado keeper Bouna Coundoul with a low shot. Poor finishing kept this close, as the Revs put eight shots on goal, but only managed a single goal, against a desperate Rapids team, who are four points behind the final playoff spot with just three games to play. The Revs, meanwhile, kept pace with DC who lead the Supporters' Shield race by four points over their Eastern conference rivals.
Full Match Recap

Real Salt Lake 2-2 New York
New York's shoddy defense continued as they surrendered a rather weak opening goal to RSL's Chris Brown, after he nodded in a Chris Wingert cross at the far post in the 22nd minute. New York's newboy Francis Doe scored his second of the year, equalizing in the 49th minute. But RSL midfielder Kyle Beckerman, unmarked, easily redirected a Fabian Espindola pass past the spraawling Ronald Waterreus in the 75th. Juan Pablo Angel, who had been stymied all match despite some excellent chances, made sure from the spot in the 80th minute, after Red Bulls defender Seth Stammler was upended in the box, converting his 17th goal of the season.
Full Match Recap

Chicago 1-1 Chivas USA
Yet another superb free kick by Cuauhtemoc Blanco put Chicago in the driver's seat at the 24th minute, but as has been the case this season, the Fire's late-game defending let them down, as Claudio Suarez equalized from the spot, eight minutes from time. After hitting the post ten minutes prior, Maykel Galindo was brought down in the area and Suarez calmly tucked it in the top-right corner. A bit of extra time drama, as Blanco appeared to be taken down by Alex Zotinca in the other end, but referee Tim Weyland awarded only a corner kick to the Fire. Following the play, Fire coach Juan Carlos Osorio was ejected and will not be on the sideline for the next match.
Full Match Recap

SEPT. 27
Los Angeles 1-0 Kansas City
KC's downward spiral continued at home on Wednesday, as even the bottom-of-the-barrel Galaxy managed a result against the lackluster Wizards. Substitute Gavin Glinton headed home Mike Randolph's cross in the 80th minute to give the Galaxy only their sixth win in 24 played. Not helping matters was the ejections of both Jimmy Conrad and Davy Arnaud in the 57th and 82nd minutes, respectively. Maybe he insulted their sisters? In separate incidents, Conrad and Arnaud were sent off for a blantant studs-up tackle on the same player, Galaxy midfielder Peter Vagenas.
Full Match Recap.