MLS Cup tournament preview, aka re-seeding stupidity

The MLS Cup playoffs begin tomorrow, as I am sure you are all aware. Hundreds of thousands of people will stay up all night studying the eight teams vying for the league’s second-most important trophy* and filling out their MLS brackets. It's a tough tournament to handicap due to MLS’s moronic re-seeding. TYH looks at the first-round match-ups and breaks out the Cracked Crystal Ball to give you some help.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

DC United vs. Chicago Fire
Game #1 @ Chicago (Oct.25, 8:30pmET)
Game #2 @ DC (Nov.1, 7:30pmET)


The deciding factor in this match will not be the play of Blanco, of Christian Gomez or even of old man Jaime Moreno. The deciding factor will be whether DC cares enough about the Cup after winning the Supporters’ Shield. As stated many times before on this blog, the Shield affords United with all the rights and privileges that the Cup provides, namely entrance into both the SuperLiga and CONCACAF Champions Cup. Plus, the players, the coaches and even the MLS execs are beginning to recognize it as the true MLS Championship. This is evidenced by the fact that next year the payout for the Cup and Shield will be the same. But, wait a minute, United are professionals, right? Plus, the Cup final is at RFK this year, so there’s that to play for. Meanwhile, Chicago has been surging since hiring Juan Carlos Osorio and Blanco has been orchestrating like someone half-ok, not half but like someone a year or two younger. Chicago found the game-winner in the Market Share Cup (so named because the MLS suits were all hoping that Chicago would lose) and eliminated the LA Beckhams from the post-season. But this is United featuring Golden Boot winner Luciano Emilio and last year's (and possibly this year’s) MVP. Despite an early stumble and a few bad matches along the way, MLS’s most decorated franchise has been consistently good all season long. Why would it change now? Although I’m sure many said the same thing last year when they won the Shield and were bounced from the playoffs in Round 1.

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: DC will advance on aggregate after an ill-timed "Blanco bounce" results in a "Blanco hernia", and he’s gone for game 2.

New England vs. New York
Game #1 @ New York (Oct.27, 7:30pmET)
Game #2 @ New England (Nov.3, 7:30pmET)

On the surface, this looks like a no-brainer. On one hand, you have the Revolution, who put up 50 points and scored 51 goals, the second highest total in MLS, and on the other hand, you have the Red Bulls, who have allowed the most goals (45) of any playoff team. So it’s an easy win for the US Open Cup Champions, right? Not so fast, Poindexter. The Revs are winless since the Open Cup final and have only won four of their last ten regular season matches. But thankfully for Double-T and the gang, MLS’s retarded re-seeding has them playing New York and not Dallas (who are actually the fifth seed in a single-table format and therefore should be playing the fourth seed). And New York have performed even worse down the stretch, winning just twice in the last ten matches. Plus. New England owned New York in the regular season, beating them twice and drawing once.

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: Defying the odds, New York will string together a pair of outstanding defensive performances and will only lose by two goals on aggregate.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
Chivas USA vs. Kansas City
Game #1 @ Kansas City (Oct.27, 8pmET)
Game #2 @ Chivas USA (Nov.3, 10:30pmET)

In a perfect world, Chivas USA would be facing Blanco’s Chicago in a fiesta de spectacular, but instead, Chivas USA will face the Wizards, who nearly pulled a disappearing act to finish the season. KC went 3-7-2 in the months of August, September and October and still managed to back there way into the playoffs. They split their two games with Chivas this season, so the head-to-head gives little indication of how this match up will go. But as EdJo goes, so do the Wizards. Despite the “emergence” of Scott “trained” Sealy last weekend, Ed Johnson has been the only consistent goal-scorer for KC. He has 15 goals this season and the next closest on the list is Sealy with seven (two of which came in the final match). If the Wizards hope to advance, they need someone else to step up. But so will Chivas. Despite nearly snatching the Supporters’ Shield from DC this season, Chivas have relied heavily upon the duo of Ante Razov and Maykel Galindo. With Razov likely out for round one with a sprained knee, Galindo will need help from John Cunliffe and Sacha Kljestan. All in all, the match-up should be a low-scoring affair (which of course means that it won’t be).

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: Jimmy Conrad will score four goals in two games with his new-found abilities of telekinesis. And then he will wake-up to find that Game 2 is over, that KC have been eliminated, and that no one bothered to wake him at halftime.

Houston vs. FC Dallas
Game #1 @ Dallas (Oct.27, 8pmET)
Game #2 @ Houston (Nov.2, 8:30pmET)

Possibly no one got screwed more in MLS’s re-seeding than defending Cup-winners Houston who must face Dallas in the first round, instead of the Red Bulls. But re-seeding certainly gave us one hell of a Texas showdown. Although the Dynamo owned Dallas (3-0-1) during the regular season, their last meeting is the reason why the Dynamo should be worried. During their Sept. 30th 3-0 win over Dallas, Dynamo midfielder Ricardo Clark lost his shit and tried to use Carlos Ruiz’s head as the ball. The kick cost Clark nine games and $10,000, and it might cost the Dynamo a chance at a Cup final repeat. Clark is appealing the decision, but will most definitely be out for this series. Dallas on the other hand recently saw the return of favorite son Kenny Cooper, a boost to a somewhat sagging offense. Defending against Cooper, Ruiz, a fitter Denilson and all-star Juan Toja is a tall order for any team, but the MLS's best defense is certainly up to the task. The Dynamo posted a league-best 23 goals against and second-best goal differential with +20. It’s the best match-up of Round 1 and could turn into the best series of the tournament.

TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball: TYH’S Cracked Crystal Ball picked Dallas at midseason, but did not foresee MLS’s re-seeding (what? it’s cracked; i missed it so sue me); however, the ball remains steadfast in its prediction. Dallas will advance. Oh, and someone will break Ruiz’s leg in the box, but just like the boy who cried wolf, no one will believe him or his gaping bloody, bone-exposed wound.

*Yes, I'm being facetious.