Bob Bradley's brother takes a break from covering baseball

http://web.mlsnet.com/news/mls_news.jsp?ymd=20070424&content_id=90247&vkey=news_mls&fext=.jsp

In the interest of full disclosure, let me start by saying I do not particularly like the Bradleys, either the current U.S. interim coach (at least until the USSF can raise enough money for a real coach) Bob or his shill-journalist and constant cheerleader brother Jeff, who wrote the article I have linked above.

Back before Bob got his dream job as caretaker to the national team, he coached a couple MLS clubs where I had the displeasure of interviewing him for several pieces. I found him to be obnoxious and obtuse and any other “ob” word that means an “ass.” Bradley comes from the Bob Knight school of media management: treat all reporters like scum and act as if any questions they ask are the dumbest things you’ve ever heard. Granted I spent enough time at press conferences to know that reporters do ask stupid questions, but we’re not all Michael Lewis.

I’ll give you an example. Back in his Chicago Fire days, I had the displeasure of interviewing him at the MLS Superdraft about the possibility of the Fire drafting a young American player who was still weighing his Euro options but who was likely to end up in MLS. He literally went bonkers during the interview, yelling at me that I was stupid to ask that, that he would be violating MLS rules by drafting a player who hadn’t signed yet (which wasn't and isn't technically true). And when I asked if he was going to pursue him after the draft, he completely flipped and ended the interview. Of course a few weeks after the draft this player was signed to the league and, wow, where did he get allocated, the Chicago Fire. Shocking, right? I have no proof that there was a backroom deal to keep him out of the draft, but judging by his reaction I might have been on to something. I don’t remember the player’s name and Bradley was eventually booted from the Fire, so the deal is of little significance in the grand scheme of things, but I think it demonstrates what an asshole Bradley is.

Jeff, well, I never really had contact with him, except at the occasional NY match (usually one his brother was coaching in) when he would waltz in among the peasants and MLS PR would fall over themselves to bask in the warm glow of his ESPN credentials. Was I jealous? Sure. Who wouldn’t be jealous of a soccer journalist who actually got to write maybe two single-page articles a year for the magazine and never, ever got on ESPN unless it was a World Cup year and Tommy Onion-Bags was on vacation. The majority of ESPN could give two shits about MLS, which is why he only really writes about soccer for mlsnet now. “Special to mlsnet.com” indeed. He’s special, all right. He’s being borrowed from baseball stories that no one cares about. Anyway, let’s have at his “special” comments concerning the MLS three weeks into the season.

He’s certainly no Halberstam (R.I.P.) -- as the cliché that begins his intro for his “First IX” where the season is a “train pulling out of a station” (good one) and we must make a “leap of faith” -- reveals. And it’s no shock that such a NY-homer would start with a complement to the NY Energy Drinks. As I stated in my last post (a week before his, I might add), the team that gives you wings could be getting its own this season in the form of Juan Pablo Angel. Jeff drools a bit much over Captain American (R.I.P.), calling him the quarterback. I hate when soccer writers feel the need to relate soccer to other sports because they assume that their audience is unfamiliar with the rudiments of the world’s game. For those of you unfamiliar with his terminology, a quarterback is a position in the American version of rugby.

Number 10 is a no-brainer: Toronto might be in trouble. Duh. And “300” might not win an Oscar. Toronto was 'canucked' when they hired Mo Johnston as their coach and then selected Greg Sutton as their keeper. What was that all a-boot? Sutton was in MLS five years ago, and he allowed 12 goals in five games. So far, he’s allowed six in two. I know he’s Canadian, but, sheesh! They should see if Martin Brodeur is available.

Number 9 is about Real (pronounced “quueeerrr” sound it out, try to sound like you’re from Boston … it’s ok, I’ll give you a minute) Salt Lake. But who cares? I pray to the Mormon god everyday that they move that team to Seattle or Portland or Punxsutawney or anywhere else. That franchise does nothing but give soccer-haters in this country fresh ammunition. The whitest state in the union and they name themselves after a Spanish club? Why didn’t they just call them Bayern Salt Lake 1860 Munchausen?

Finally he brings up something interesting in Number 8, a real bulletin, insider info that you expect from someone working at the Worldwide Leader of Baseball and Others. This just in. Jeff’s reporting that DC United need Jaime Moreno not to suck. Wow! Things sure are bleak in the nation’s capital, then. Whether Jaime is able to play well this season should not be the key to United’s success. Unless he’s a moron, team president Thomas Payne, the early favorite for Dr. Bob’s post before Roberto Benigni look-alike Sunil Gulati was handed the executive washroom key to the USSF, isn’t putting all his eggs in one 33-year-old, chubby Bolivian basket. And Payne isn’t a moron. I met the man and he deserves respect if only for not allowing DC to be named something idiotic like the Washington Nationals. DC is certainly sputtering early but they are much too talented to not get back on track with or without Jaime Moreno. The player to watch in DC isn't number 99; it's number 11, 29-year-old Luciano Emilio.

In number 7, he’s shilling for something called the Honda SuperClasico, which sounds like a gas-powered pasta maker, but is actually Chivas USA versus Los Angeles. This could be a fun LA derby. Chivas is TYH’s darkhorse pick this season and has looked stellar in the first three games, dropping a tight 1-0 decision to the defending Champs Houston, while beating the snot out of Toronto and Salt Lake. The Galaxy could be a big disappointment if they can’t keep pace until Spice Boy's arrival, but as Jeff told us, the train is just leaving the harbor or something like that.

Numbers 6-4 bore me. The only item worth mentioning is the Herron hit on Heap, which was despicable. Heaps should have dropkicked him and then dropped a deuce on his unconscious face. Sure these guys have a history that started when Herron was with the Fire, but it was a total cheap shot. MLS should send Herron home to Ticoland, and referee Ricardo Salaza should go with him. TYH isn’t a Revs fan, but we support tough Americans like Jay Heaps. Next time bite his kneecaps, Jay.

Number 3 is about Taylor Twellman, and TYH loves Twellman. This patriot came home from Germany to play in MLS, and has been a star since his first season. It was a crime to keep him off the national team in Germany ’06. And, as much as it pains us, we hope that Jeff is right (cringe) because we want Twells to get his 20, too, if only so he can rub it in Arena's stupid face.

Numbers 2 and 1 say almost nothing. Here is a summary. Brian Ching needs to stay healthy if Houston is to repeat and Colorado is the new Miami Fusion. The new Miami? Are they going to have their best season in franchise history and then get eliminated as a franchise? They are 1-1-1, calm down, Jeff. And when you see your brother, give a rochambeau from TYH.