England, prepare to be boarded!

Like the U.S.S. Constitution vs. the H.M.S. Guerriere during the War of 1812, Americans are preparing to kick some English butt all over the Atlantic. Break her main mast (aka Peter Crouch) and burn her down to Davy Jones' locker.

U.S. coach Bob Bradley released the 22-man roster for the May 28 "friendly" against England at Wembley Stadium and it features a few surprises among the usual suspects. Of course, Howard will be in goal. Bocanegra and Onyewu are set to go in central defense. Beasley, Bradley and Dempsey are all present, as is the sacred cow Landon Donovan and Michael "don't call me the coach's son" Bradley. But questions remain. Will Freddy Adu make the pitch? Who will play outside back, right or left? Does Eddie Lewis have naked pictures of Bob Bradley copulating with a horse or something? But the biggest question is, who the hell is going to score?

Eddie Johnson? EdJo got six appearances for Fulham this season. He should have stayed in MLS. Josh Wolff? Remember when he scored that goal against Mexico in 2001. Yeah, so does he. It was the last big goal he scored. Nate Jaqua? His most recent club was Cashpoint SC Rheindorf Altach ... enough said. Where is Jozy Altidore? Or Kenny Cooper or even Brian Ching (shudder)? If we're going to complete with the physicality of England we need some bigger, stronger guys running at their backline. I mean, really, is anyone afraid of the big, bad Wolff?

U.S. ROSTER BY POSITION
GOALKEEPERS (3): Dominic Cervi (Out of Contract), Brad Guzan (Chivas USA), Tim Howard (Everton FC)

DEFENDERS (8): Carlos Bocanegra (Fulham FC), Dan Califf (FC Midtjylland), Steve Cherundolo (Hannover 96), Jay DeMerit (Watford FC), Oguchi Onyewu (Standard de Liege), Michael Orozco (San Luis), Heath Pearce (Hansa Rostock), Jonathan Spector (West Ham United)

MIDFIELDERS (6): Freddy Adu (SL Benfica), DaMarcus Beasley (Glasgow Rangers), Michael Bradley (SC Heerenveen), Ricardo Clark (Houston Dynamo), Benny Feilhaber (Derby County), Eddie Lewis (Derby County)

FORWARDS (5): Clint Dempsey (Fulham FC), Landon Donovan (Los Angeles Galaxy), Nate Jaqua (Out of Contract), Eddie Johnson (Fulham FC), Josh Wolff (Out of Contract)

ENGLAND ROSTER BY POSITION
GOALKEEPERS (3): David James (Portsmouth), Joe Hart (Manchester City), Chris Kirkland (Wigan)

DEFENDERS (10): Wayne Bridge (Chelsea), Wes Brown (Manchester United), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United), Phil Jagielka (Everton), Glen Johnson (Portsmouth), John Terry (Chelsea), Stephen Warnock (Blackburn), David Wheater (Middlesbrough), Jonathan Woodgate (Middlesbrough)

MIDFIELDERS (12): Gareth Barry (Aston Villa), David Beckham (Los Angeles Galaxy), David Bentley (Blackburn), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Stewart Downing (Middlesbrough), Owen Hargreaves (Manchester United), Tom Huddlestone (Tottenham), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Jermaine Jenas (Tottenham), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Ashley Young (Aston Villa)

FORWARDS (6): Gabriel Agbonlahor (Aston Villa), Dean Ashton (West Ham), Peter Crouch (Liverpool), Jermain Defoe (Portsmouth), Michael Owen (Newcastle), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)